​

3) In which Sy's family - in the now - considers what to do about a runaway Bean, in a style that winks at you watching

​

MOM

That cake is almost two weeks old.

 

SY

It was in the fridge.

 

MOM

At least use a fork.

​

SY
I'm fine with my hands.

​

MOM

...

​

SY

...

​

MOM

Let me make you some eggs.

​

SY
No, Mom.  I’m fine. 

 

MOM

Turns out the Jefferson’s chef was an Influencer too.

The mouse from that kid’s movie: Ratatouille. 

 

SY
Rat.

 

MOM

What?

 

SY
Rat, not a mouse.

The joke only works if it’s a rat.

 

MOM
…

 

SY
…

 

(MOM goes to the fridge.  She opens the fridge.  She takes out butter and eggs and bread.  She puts two slices of bread in the toaster.  She puts a pad a butter in the frying pan.  She cracks two eggs in.  The bread pops out of the toaster.  She flips the eggs.  SY eats cake.  She plates the eggs.  She grabs the toast from the toaster and puts it on the plate.  She slides the plate across the table to SY.)

 

MOM
Eat.

 

SY

…

 

MOM

…

 

SY

…

 

MOM

…

(SY eats.  DAD comes in, hat in hand.  Briefcase and all.)

Hi, Dear.

 

DAD

Hi, Honey. 

How you doing, champ?

 

MOM
He was eating cake from two weeks ago.

 

DAD
God, you trying to get sick?

 

SY

…

 

MOM
I made him eggs.

 

SY
They find anything?

 

DAD

…

 

SY
Dad?

 

MOM
            (Shocked)

Peter!

 

SY
Dad, did they find anything?

 

DAD
Yeah.  I mean.

It’s not good, Sy.

 

SY
What?

 

DAD
Looks like his computer’s the gateway.

He’s the one behind this whole operation.

 

SY

…What?

 

DAD
I know. / I know…

 

SY
Bean’s Dad?  Is…

 

DAD
Listen: I couldn’t believe it either.

They have him held at Guantanamo.

 

SY

…Well.  Then.  I mean…

Problem solved, right?

You let him off the hook, Bean comes home.

Problem solved.  Right?

 

DAD
Sy…. We can’t just let him off the / hook?

 

SY
Why not?  Other people have done way worse than what…?

What?  Let a few people out of the internet?

You have to let him go, Dad.

I need my wife back.

 

DAD
…

 

MOM

Sweetheart…. Did you ever…really love her? 

 

SY

Yes.

 

MOM
…

 

DAD
…

​

SY

(Adamantly)

Yes.

​

MOM

...

​

DAD

...

 

MOM

Your father will do everything he can.

 

DAD
What?

 

MOM
You will do everything you can.

 

DAD
There’s no can here…. There’s just--

 

MOM

Imagine if this gets out, Peter.

And it’s widely known that we are one branch on the family tree away from the person that started this whole fuck up? 

…Think for a minute, Peter.

 

DAD

…

 

MOM

It's better to resolve things diplomatically.

Can't you turn up the heat before we go to...drastic measures?

Everyone can get what they need. 

We can have our cake and eat it too.

​

DAD

...

​

SY

Please, Dad.

Get him out.

Find a way to blame someone else.

And she'll come home.

​

DAD

...

...
I’ll do everything I can.

​

(Smash into: 4)

​