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6) In which our neighbors - Paisley and Bruce - are reunited after a long day of work

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(PAISLEY is home, with the television on.  You guessed it.)

PAISLEY

Honey?  That you…?

…

Honey?

 

BRUCE

Yeah?

 

PAISLEY

You scared me. 

You didn’t answer.

 

BRUCE
It’s me.

 

PAISLEY
What?

 

BRUCE

…What?

 

PAISLEY

What’s with the attitude?

 

BRUCE
I don’t have an attitude.

 

PAISLEY

…

 

BRUCE

…

 

PAISLEY

You didn’t get it.

 

BRUCE
…

 

PAISLEY
Oh shit.  Baby.  I’m…

(BRUCE begins to laugh.)

What why are you laughing what?

 

BRUCE
I got it.

 

PAISLEY

Oh FUCK you.

 

BRUCE
I got it.

 

PAISLEY
Did you really?

 

BRUCE
Yeah, I got it.

PAISLEY
Oh, babe!

(She runs to him.  She kisses him.)

I’m…. I’m so happy for you.

 

BRUCE
Thanks.

 

PAISLEY

…

BRUCE
I got you something?

 

PAISLEY
No, you didn’t.

 

BRUCE

Yeah.

 

PAISLEY

What did you get me?

 

BRUCE
Nothing much…

Just…

(BRUCE pulls out a severed hand.  PAISLEY is awestruck.)

 

PAISLEY

Whose is it?

 

BRUCE

Guess.

 

PAISLEY

No…

Is it…?

No...

 

BRUCE
Mhm.  Dr. Phil.

(PAISLEY takes the hand from BRUCE and holds it up to the light.)

 

PAISLEY
It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

 

(And it goes on like this forever and ever.  If I could give it all away to spend every moment with you, I would.  On a beach in Maine or by the Aegean Sea.  Somewhere that doesn't peer or stare or sneer.  Somewhere where there's a line of cars all leading to the same place and where the Rivers all Run North.  It could - and will - go on like this forever.  And so, the end.)